Hi friends! It has been a bit since I popped in here. If I’m being completely honest, it has been real hard for me to write lately. I have been busy, but I’ve also made my mind busy. I’ve felt some resistance to write. I have felt like it was too much at times.
If you don’t know me personally then you may not know that we moved to our new town just a short 8 months ago. I taught full time for 7 years there, and because of the timing of our move, I had to leave my class mid-year. We had also just purchased our home 6 months prior to that. It was a whirlwind move, but one that we’ve been grateful for every day since. We’re all completely in love with our new home town and if I stop for even a moment to consider all that we’ve been blessed with here, it brings me to tears every time.
When we moved I felt this odd feeling that I wasn’t supposed to go back to work full-time. This was weird for me, because I had worked full time through both pregnancies and went back at 8 weeks postpartum with both babies (which was HARD, but I did it).
So this new found idea/pull felt awkward and yet so inviting. I didn’t realize how much stress I had been carrying. The previous year and a half had been pretty tough for our family. So, to move to this oasis of a place and to get to be home more with my babies and pursue writing and the creative endeavors that make my heart beat fast felt like a God send. I spent 6 months reveling in it and soaking it all in.
About four weeks ago, I got a call for a part time position working as an English Language Development specialist. A week later I started. I’m loving it so far. The schedule is amazing. I still get to be home with my babes a couple days a week, help supplement income, and also be a part of my daughter’s kinder class on a weekly basis. It’s pretty awesome.
Oh, and I started a little side hustle on top of this. (My entrepreneurial spirit really kicked it up a notch in recent months). It’s a resell business where I sell beautiful second hand pieces. This is totally another creative outlet of mine, and something I really enjoy doing. I grew up thrifting and shopping discount stores out of obligation, so I really learned to have an eye for good stuff in unlikely places. I love that it gives clothes a second life instead of heading right for the land fills, and that it helps my family save for financial goals.
But as in times passed, I never give change and transition the weight it deserves. I though I could just keep going on with all the things and pushing forward at full speed. I didn’t really expect to need a break from anything. After all, I have moved, and changed jobs, and wrote a book, and juggled all the things in the past right?
I think we have a tendency to do that. A tendency to keep pushing on even when hard things happen—even when our bodies and minds are begging for a rest. Because it feels like the right thing to do somehow—like the strong thing. And oh how we want to feel strong in those times of uncertainty and instability. Even good change is hard for a minute.
And so I took a three week break from my blog. I missed it and I surely thought about it. I felt guilty for not showing up, but I tried to give myself the grace I needed. I didn’t want to rush back in and just write to put something out there out of obligation. I wanted to come back better for it. Come back with authenticity and a fresh perspective.
Maybe this post feels like a big wordy mess to you. That’s ok if it does. But it felt good for my heart to put this out here to the people support me. It felt right to share about the struggle of change and the resistance our hearts can sometimes feel even toward the things we love. It felt right to share that as Christians, and teachers, and authors and all the titles we carry—we’re still just human. We have limitations and boundaries. But more than anything, that we have a limitless God who walks through these things with us. Our Great Defender. Our Prince of Peace. Our Steady and Sure. We have a God who cares and wants us to lean on Him.
I encourage you if you’re in a place of resistance toward something or someone, take a minute to slow down and lean in. There’s something there. There’s a reason for it. Work through it instead of running on pretending it isn’t there. It might be messy for a minute but you’ll be better for it, I promise.
I hope you all have a wonderful week! Come back next week to hear from a fellow pastor’s wife and sweet friend of mine talk about Godly friendships. She’s the cutest and has such a way of infusing her words with equal parts truth and authenticity. I think you’ll really enjoy her!